Turn, turn, turn...
The seasons of our lives change, sometimes without our knowledge. There are seasons of abundance when blessings are flowing strongly into our lives, and then seasons come of drought and barrenness.
As I mentioned before, the Lord led me to give up my job at a local church doing community outreach and missions ministry. My job ended the 1st week of June (2015). For the past year, I have been so busy with three kids in school, working almost full-time, attending college in a master's degree program for counseling, leading Bible studies and being a participant in other studies, and mentoring a wonderful woman one-on-one in discipleship training.
January 2014 to June 2015 was one of the busiest and most productive times of my entire life. I lost touch with many friends, barely had time to think or breathe, and I often thought about what it would be like to NOT be so busy all the time. I was exhausted and starting dealing with new health problems (not being able to swallow solid food). I wondered when the time might come for me to rest. I asked God to give me rest, peace and abundant sleep. It seemed that (although I did have peace) rest and sleep were elusive! In March 2015, God directed me to take my kids out of their private school and start to home school them. My hours at work were cut down, and I was able to spend more time with them. I still stayed quite busy with homeschooling my kids, going to school and doing Bible study.
Over the past few months, my life has significantly changed. I am no longer working at all. My kids are on summer break and heading to public school next year. I am finishing my final course in a master's degree program for Professional Counseling. I am searching for an internship that will take me through the next year, but doors have not been opened to me yet. As of June 24, 2015, I will go on leave of absence from my school program while I secure an internship site. In a couple short weeks, I will be doing none of what I was doing the entire past year. I prayed for rest. I prayed for a break. Now, God is giving me one. Bible study ended as well for the summer break.
I should be jumping for joy. These past couple of weeks have shown me something about myself. I like to be VERY busy. The business of life keeps me from having to focus on my own life--and my own heart. These past couple of weeks, I have been noticing things about my spiritual life that do not make me proud to say I'm a Christian. The busyness was keeping me from seeing my own problems and weaknesses.
These past couple of weeks have been tough. I have realized that I don't trust God enough...and I don't show God love through obedience. I can be selfish and angry without much cause. I can be judgmental and lack patience with other people. I am not the person I hoped that I was. I have not put God first, even over the past year when I was teaching others about putting God first. That makes me a hypocrite. There, I said it, I am a hypocritical Christian...perhaps, even I am like a Pharisee in so many ways.
The past couple of weeks, as I have seen the darkness in my own heart, I have cried out to God to CHANGE ME. I am not telling him what is wrong with everyone else, or my own life, or asking for the promises to be fulfilled that He has made to me. I am just asking God, plainly, to change my heart, change my mind, and change who I am completely. I want Him to renew my mind day by day. I want Him to transform me. I'm not satisfied to be who I am today. I want to be better--in every way.
Seeing myself this way, it's a wonder that God placed me in ministry at all.
I believe this is how the Apostle Paul may have felt after his own transformation. He still knew his own weaknesses, infirmities and shortcomings. He knew the mistakes he made, and He relied on God's grace working through Him. In fact, throughout the Bible, the people that God used greatly were all messed up. He used prideful, lying, immoral, weak, selfish, fearful, unfaithful people. He took what looked unworthy to everyone (the outcasts and forgotten ones) and He made them into great examples of His grace. He foreshadowed the love, mercy and nature of Jesus Christ through so many people that the world had discarded. His own disciples, who became apostles and founded the early church, were tax-collectors and sinners.
Have you ever looked at someone and judged that person only by appearance? I have.
Have you ever wondered why God chose a certain person for a position of authority in the church?
I am guilty of this.
Sometimes, we even think we could do better than a certain person.
Why does a certain person seem to have favor with God? They are just a big ole' mess!
Why do things work out for that person, and not for me? I have thought this...
I have been guilty of asking God why I prayed for a certain person who was healed at the altar (or elsewhere) and then gone home to struggle with my own illness. Why doesn't God heal me?
I am guilty of all these thoughts. I am guilty of accusing others, even in the church, and I am guilty of hypocrisy.
The crazy thing is...God loves me anyway. God's grace is ever-present in my life. God shows me favor that I most definitely have not earned. God has used me to pray for people to see the impossible become possible. I have witnessed (and prayed for) hundreds, if not thousands of miracles that actually happened. I have seen God do the unthinkable...raise the dead. He gave life back to a little girl that I was praying for. She had been dead 45 minutes (approximately) and God gave her back into the arms of her mother, fully healed and restored.
I have seen the glory of God. Me--the hypocrite--the Pharisee--the unworthy person. I can rest and have peace, and sleep at night, because my eternal security does not rest upon the worthiness of my own works--it only rests on the worthiness and righteousness of Christ that has been imputed to me. I am righteous because HE (Jesus) is righteous and I have accepted HIS free gift of grace in my life.
The seasons of my life will continue to change. There will be seasons of abundance, seasons of lack, seasons of illness, seasons of healing, seasons of heartache and seasons of rejoicing. The seasons will change, but one thing will always remain the same. I am loved by God, chosen and holy, and I have God's grace and eternal life because Jesus did all that was ever needed--FOR ME.
I don't have to be a perfect Christian. Jesus is the only perfection I need. He will renew my mind, transform me and form me into His image. I cannot do this. It can only be done by His grace working in me.
Philippians 4:12 (NASB)
I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (NASB)
For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
The seasons of our lives change, sometimes without our knowledge. There are seasons of abundance when blessings are flowing strongly into our lives, and then seasons come of drought and barrenness.
As I mentioned before, the Lord led me to give up my job at a local church doing community outreach and missions ministry. My job ended the 1st week of June (2015). For the past year, I have been so busy with three kids in school, working almost full-time, attending college in a master's degree program for counseling, leading Bible studies and being a participant in other studies, and mentoring a wonderful woman one-on-one in discipleship training.
January 2014 to June 2015 was one of the busiest and most productive times of my entire life. I lost touch with many friends, barely had time to think or breathe, and I often thought about what it would be like to NOT be so busy all the time. I was exhausted and starting dealing with new health problems (not being able to swallow solid food). I wondered when the time might come for me to rest. I asked God to give me rest, peace and abundant sleep. It seemed that (although I did have peace) rest and sleep were elusive! In March 2015, God directed me to take my kids out of their private school and start to home school them. My hours at work were cut down, and I was able to spend more time with them. I still stayed quite busy with homeschooling my kids, going to school and doing Bible study.
Over the past few months, my life has significantly changed. I am no longer working at all. My kids are on summer break and heading to public school next year. I am finishing my final course in a master's degree program for Professional Counseling. I am searching for an internship that will take me through the next year, but doors have not been opened to me yet. As of June 24, 2015, I will go on leave of absence from my school program while I secure an internship site. In a couple short weeks, I will be doing none of what I was doing the entire past year. I prayed for rest. I prayed for a break. Now, God is giving me one. Bible study ended as well for the summer break.
I should be jumping for joy. These past couple of weeks have shown me something about myself. I like to be VERY busy. The business of life keeps me from having to focus on my own life--and my own heart. These past couple of weeks, I have been noticing things about my spiritual life that do not make me proud to say I'm a Christian. The busyness was keeping me from seeing my own problems and weaknesses.
These past couple of weeks have been tough. I have realized that I don't trust God enough...and I don't show God love through obedience. I can be selfish and angry without much cause. I can be judgmental and lack patience with other people. I am not the person I hoped that I was. I have not put God first, even over the past year when I was teaching others about putting God first. That makes me a hypocrite. There, I said it, I am a hypocritical Christian...perhaps, even I am like a Pharisee in so many ways.
The past couple of weeks, as I have seen the darkness in my own heart, I have cried out to God to CHANGE ME. I am not telling him what is wrong with everyone else, or my own life, or asking for the promises to be fulfilled that He has made to me. I am just asking God, plainly, to change my heart, change my mind, and change who I am completely. I want Him to renew my mind day by day. I want Him to transform me. I'm not satisfied to be who I am today. I want to be better--in every way.
Seeing myself this way, it's a wonder that God placed me in ministry at all.
I believe this is how the Apostle Paul may have felt after his own transformation. He still knew his own weaknesses, infirmities and shortcomings. He knew the mistakes he made, and He relied on God's grace working through Him. In fact, throughout the Bible, the people that God used greatly were all messed up. He used prideful, lying, immoral, weak, selfish, fearful, unfaithful people. He took what looked unworthy to everyone (the outcasts and forgotten ones) and He made them into great examples of His grace. He foreshadowed the love, mercy and nature of Jesus Christ through so many people that the world had discarded. His own disciples, who became apostles and founded the early church, were tax-collectors and sinners.
Have you ever looked at someone and judged that person only by appearance? I have.
Have you ever wondered why God chose a certain person for a position of authority in the church?
I am guilty of this.
Sometimes, we even think we could do better than a certain person.
Why does a certain person seem to have favor with God? They are just a big ole' mess!
Why do things work out for that person, and not for me? I have thought this...
I have been guilty of asking God why I prayed for a certain person who was healed at the altar (or elsewhere) and then gone home to struggle with my own illness. Why doesn't God heal me?
I am guilty of all these thoughts. I am guilty of accusing others, even in the church, and I am guilty of hypocrisy.
The crazy thing is...God loves me anyway. God's grace is ever-present in my life. God shows me favor that I most definitely have not earned. God has used me to pray for people to see the impossible become possible. I have witnessed (and prayed for) hundreds, if not thousands of miracles that actually happened. I have seen God do the unthinkable...raise the dead. He gave life back to a little girl that I was praying for. She had been dead 45 minutes (approximately) and God gave her back into the arms of her mother, fully healed and restored.
I have seen the glory of God. Me--the hypocrite--the Pharisee--the unworthy person. I can rest and have peace, and sleep at night, because my eternal security does not rest upon the worthiness of my own works--it only rests on the worthiness and righteousness of Christ that has been imputed to me. I am righteous because HE (Jesus) is righteous and I have accepted HIS free gift of grace in my life.
The seasons of my life will continue to change. There will be seasons of abundance, seasons of lack, seasons of illness, seasons of healing, seasons of heartache and seasons of rejoicing. The seasons will change, but one thing will always remain the same. I am loved by God, chosen and holy, and I have God's grace and eternal life because Jesus did all that was ever needed--FOR ME.
I don't have to be a perfect Christian. Jesus is the only perfection I need. He will renew my mind, transform me and form me into His image. I cannot do this. It can only be done by His grace working in me.
Philippians 4:12 (NASB)
I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (NASB)
For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
A Time for Everything
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
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