As I spoke with a friend today, I shared a thought that has been replaying over and over in my mind lately. The thought is that, perhaps, it does not matter what we do for a living, or what we accomplish...perhaps, this is all really in vain. Perhaps...it matters more WHO WE ARE than WHAT WE DO. I began thinking about my long and winding journey with the Lord. I thought about the many twists and turns, the constant uncertainty of life. Is there anything that is really certain in life...anything that is not unpredictable and ever-changing?
I recently finished a master's degree program in professional counseling after five long years of graduate school. It took me so long because life is unpredictable. The program was only supposed to take about three years, but it took me two extra years to finish! Perhaps, this is because my husband and son were both very ill during this time period, and we moved across country in the middle of my program. It may be due to the fact that I have been raising three children, putting their own needs before my own.
I think I finished right on time. I think that finishing earlier would not have allowed me to gain maturity that is needed in this grueling profession, and I would still be searching for myself in ways that I did a couple years ago. If nothing else, counseling school taught me to examine myself, my goals, my desires, my pain and suffering in a very different way than ever before. I was forced to stop looking the other way when thinking of the negative aspects of my life, and to face myself each and every day, learning to love myself for who I really am...not who I would pretend to be.
These past five years taught me that life is hard. Life hurts. Life can leave lasting scars that can be difficult to heal. Life is unpredictable and it can be scary. Life doesn't always go the way we planned. Is there any point in really planning anyway? I don't know anymore.
I didn't plan to have my first child at 19 years old. I didn't plan to marry my husband and immediately move together to a remote Pacific island. I didn't plan for my second child to become very ill and be given devastating news about his health when he was 15 months old. I didn't plan for God to reverse that prognosis and heal him just two years later, leaving him fully healthy and "normal." I didn't plan to have my third child and look death in the eye during childbirth. I didn't plan to move before his third birthday...across the country again. I really didn't plan to attend grad school for counseling. I didn't plan to be a counselor. I didn't plan to make, and lose, friends along the way. I didn't even plan to be sitting here, writing this blog post today.
I haven't planned life. Life has taken me on a long and winding journey. Sometimes, I look back, although I really shouldn't. I look and see the twists in the road, and the times where I almost didn't make it. I see where LIFE has taken me, but one thing I know for sure...God has never left me. He has been with me through every twist, every turn, every heartbreak and every celebration. He has been my constant companion on this journey. In fact, He knows the road I'm going down. He's already been there and He knows the whole plan for my life...because He wrote it.
Sometimes, I get confused about where I'm going. Sometimes, I get angry about the turns I felt I should have made. Sometimes, I simply feel a little lost along the way. Sometimes, I feel like the twisting tornados of Oklahoma, or the gusting winds of the typhoons in Guam, the earthquakes, or the dryness and drought of New Mexico deserts. I've even been in the mountains of Colorado. I've been many places along the way. I've seen disasters and beautiful vistas. This is the glory of the life that God gives to us. We don't always know where the path will lead, but we can always know that He is with us, and He knows the way. He makes the crooked path straight before us, and He makes a way where there seems to be no way...rivers in the desert and a path in the wilderness.
When you feel lost, remember that Jesus is near to the brokenhearted and those who are crushed in spirit. If you are feeling low in the trenches of life, know that Jesus is there with you. If you are climbing a mountaintop, He is there too. He wrote the story of your life. He wrote the story of mine too. Just like He never left me...He will never leave you.
I recently finished a master's degree program in professional counseling after five long years of graduate school. It took me so long because life is unpredictable. The program was only supposed to take about three years, but it took me two extra years to finish! Perhaps, this is because my husband and son were both very ill during this time period, and we moved across country in the middle of my program. It may be due to the fact that I have been raising three children, putting their own needs before my own.
I think I finished right on time. I think that finishing earlier would not have allowed me to gain maturity that is needed in this grueling profession, and I would still be searching for myself in ways that I did a couple years ago. If nothing else, counseling school taught me to examine myself, my goals, my desires, my pain and suffering in a very different way than ever before. I was forced to stop looking the other way when thinking of the negative aspects of my life, and to face myself each and every day, learning to love myself for who I really am...not who I would pretend to be.
These past five years taught me that life is hard. Life hurts. Life can leave lasting scars that can be difficult to heal. Life is unpredictable and it can be scary. Life doesn't always go the way we planned. Is there any point in really planning anyway? I don't know anymore.
I didn't plan to have my first child at 19 years old. I didn't plan to marry my husband and immediately move together to a remote Pacific island. I didn't plan for my second child to become very ill and be given devastating news about his health when he was 15 months old. I didn't plan for God to reverse that prognosis and heal him just two years later, leaving him fully healthy and "normal." I didn't plan to have my third child and look death in the eye during childbirth. I didn't plan to move before his third birthday...across the country again. I really didn't plan to attend grad school for counseling. I didn't plan to be a counselor. I didn't plan to make, and lose, friends along the way. I didn't even plan to be sitting here, writing this blog post today.
I haven't planned life. Life has taken me on a long and winding journey. Sometimes, I look back, although I really shouldn't. I look and see the twists in the road, and the times where I almost didn't make it. I see where LIFE has taken me, but one thing I know for sure...God has never left me. He has been with me through every twist, every turn, every heartbreak and every celebration. He has been my constant companion on this journey. In fact, He knows the road I'm going down. He's already been there and He knows the whole plan for my life...because He wrote it.
Sometimes, I get confused about where I'm going. Sometimes, I get angry about the turns I felt I should have made. Sometimes, I simply feel a little lost along the way. Sometimes, I feel like the twisting tornados of Oklahoma, or the gusting winds of the typhoons in Guam, the earthquakes, or the dryness and drought of New Mexico deserts. I've even been in the mountains of Colorado. I've been many places along the way. I've seen disasters and beautiful vistas. This is the glory of the life that God gives to us. We don't always know where the path will lead, but we can always know that He is with us, and He knows the way. He makes the crooked path straight before us, and He makes a way where there seems to be no way...rivers in the desert and a path in the wilderness.
When you feel lost, remember that Jesus is near to the brokenhearted and those who are crushed in spirit. If you are feeling low in the trenches of life, know that Jesus is there with you. If you are climbing a mountaintop, He is there too. He wrote the story of your life. He wrote the story of mine too. Just like He never left me...He will never leave you.
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