I have spent the past month completing an internship in the hope of one day becoming an independently licensed counselor. I have worked four long years in graduate school to get to this point. I have been excited for over a year about my upcoming internship. During the process of trying to find an internship, I contacted approximately 50 sites (I wrote them down). Of these contacts, 2-3 of them looked as though they were possibilities. None of these were "Christian" counseling facilities. One was a domestic violence shelter, one was working with a tribal human services office, and another was working at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. After attending interviews and praying hard, I chose to accept an internship at the psychiatric hospital.
One thing I knew going into the internship was that I would NOT be allowed to openly talk about God or my chosen faith, Christianity. In the field of counseling, talking about your faith without the client stating that he/she has the same faith and wants that incorporated into the treatment interventions is unethical and can cost you everything (internship, licensure, and possibly getting sued for "harming" the client). For someone who has spent the past eight years doing evangelism and sharing my faith openly and boldly, I knew this would be a great challenge for me. In prayer, God spoke to me and said, "You don't have to say a word, my Presence will go with you, and it will reach out and touch people, even if you never mention Me."
Every day that I go to work, I see people in deep suffering. I have experienced trials, tribulations and suffering in my own life. I know how much these people are hurting. They have no hope for life. They want to commit suicide, or they want to hurt someone because they are angry, or they have been using drugs or just had a psychotic break and are having delusions, hallucinations, hearing derogatory and commanding voices telling them to do horrible things at times (to themselves and others).
It's the deepest darkness I have ever seen, and every day, the darkness is all around me. I feel like I'm in the enemy's camp right in the midst of all his troops. Not the people, but the mental illnesses. The people are created by God, fearfully and wonderfully made, loved unconditionally by God--but the darkness they feel overshadowing them is heavy and crushing. They feel they cannot bear up under the weight of the darkness.
Some of the voices tell these people that they are horrible people, they are worthless, meaningless, they yell at these people (inside of them) and say all manner of hateful things to them. They describe to me how the voices cannot be shut off. They torment them day and night. Many of the patients have suffered deep traumas throughout life. The grief and sadness overwhelms them. I see beautiful people--I hear about times in their lives before the traumas occurred when life was much better. I see children that God created, but they have become lost in the darkness of this world. I want to help them find a light of hope.
In all of this, I want to wrap my arms around them and cry with them, and tell them about the hope that is found in trusting Jesus. But...I can't. Occasionally, a client will tell me that we can talk about God, but even then, I must be careful to walk a fine line that agrees with the client's own perceptions of faith and religious practices. I cannot be bold, say what I want to say, or tell them what I believe. The therapy is client-centered--to empower the client. I believe in empowering people! I want them to feel powerful against these dark forces in their lives, but I feel compelled to share something with them that can be a strong power and a sword against it. It creates a constant struggle inside of me.
Yesterday, I heard things that I knew I would hear some day...horrific stories of abuse. I knew it was coming for the past four years. It was heartbreaking. I could trace the roots of the mental illness. It had started somewhere....and together, we found that place. Although I never mentioned Jesus in the session, and we didn't talk about Christianity at all, I could feel His presence in the session with me. I could feel that He was reaching out and healing wounds from the past. I could feel an overwhelming sense of His unconditional love, mercy and grace. I suddenly became VERY aware of how Jesus sees everything in our lives, He knows every detail, and He has been there through it all--loving us--never less, never more. His love has been steadfast, faithful and true!
I know I'm not supposed to take my work home with me, but last night, I couldn't stop thinking about this client. I sat in my comfortable chair, alone in the darkness, and my heart broke for this person. I cried out to Jesus, interceding for this person to have healing from God, to feel the presence of God overshadowing all fear, shame, hurt and despair. I cried and cried. I asked God to show this person His great and everlasting love. I asked God to send angels to protect this person.
I've been frustrated at times that I can't openly share my faith, but God told me before I began the internship that it would be this way. He told me that He would go with me in everything that I do. I realized yesterday that it's the truth. God was in the room with us, whether we acknowledged His presence of not. HE WAS THERE...helping us both.
I came home and felt I had possibly dishonored God by not saying more. I heard God whisper to me, "Whom do you fear (serve), Sarah?" I could feel God encouraging me to always have Him in my thoughts and keep Him with me at all times, acknowledging in myself His presence there. I told God that I will serve Him first and only.
I know God has brought me to this place for a reason. It's challenging in every way, but I know He is with me--so I will not fear.
God bless you all in the name of Jesus! :-)
One thing I knew going into the internship was that I would NOT be allowed to openly talk about God or my chosen faith, Christianity. In the field of counseling, talking about your faith without the client stating that he/she has the same faith and wants that incorporated into the treatment interventions is unethical and can cost you everything (internship, licensure, and possibly getting sued for "harming" the client). For someone who has spent the past eight years doing evangelism and sharing my faith openly and boldly, I knew this would be a great challenge for me. In prayer, God spoke to me and said, "You don't have to say a word, my Presence will go with you, and it will reach out and touch people, even if you never mention Me."
Every day that I go to work, I see people in deep suffering. I have experienced trials, tribulations and suffering in my own life. I know how much these people are hurting. They have no hope for life. They want to commit suicide, or they want to hurt someone because they are angry, or they have been using drugs or just had a psychotic break and are having delusions, hallucinations, hearing derogatory and commanding voices telling them to do horrible things at times (to themselves and others).
It's the deepest darkness I have ever seen, and every day, the darkness is all around me. I feel like I'm in the enemy's camp right in the midst of all his troops. Not the people, but the mental illnesses. The people are created by God, fearfully and wonderfully made, loved unconditionally by God--but the darkness they feel overshadowing them is heavy and crushing. They feel they cannot bear up under the weight of the darkness.
Some of the voices tell these people that they are horrible people, they are worthless, meaningless, they yell at these people (inside of them) and say all manner of hateful things to them. They describe to me how the voices cannot be shut off. They torment them day and night. Many of the patients have suffered deep traumas throughout life. The grief and sadness overwhelms them. I see beautiful people--I hear about times in their lives before the traumas occurred when life was much better. I see children that God created, but they have become lost in the darkness of this world. I want to help them find a light of hope.
In all of this, I want to wrap my arms around them and cry with them, and tell them about the hope that is found in trusting Jesus. But...I can't. Occasionally, a client will tell me that we can talk about God, but even then, I must be careful to walk a fine line that agrees with the client's own perceptions of faith and religious practices. I cannot be bold, say what I want to say, or tell them what I believe. The therapy is client-centered--to empower the client. I believe in empowering people! I want them to feel powerful against these dark forces in their lives, but I feel compelled to share something with them that can be a strong power and a sword against it. It creates a constant struggle inside of me.
Yesterday, I heard things that I knew I would hear some day...horrific stories of abuse. I knew it was coming for the past four years. It was heartbreaking. I could trace the roots of the mental illness. It had started somewhere....and together, we found that place. Although I never mentioned Jesus in the session, and we didn't talk about Christianity at all, I could feel His presence in the session with me. I could feel that He was reaching out and healing wounds from the past. I could feel an overwhelming sense of His unconditional love, mercy and grace. I suddenly became VERY aware of how Jesus sees everything in our lives, He knows every detail, and He has been there through it all--loving us--never less, never more. His love has been steadfast, faithful and true!
I know I'm not supposed to take my work home with me, but last night, I couldn't stop thinking about this client. I sat in my comfortable chair, alone in the darkness, and my heart broke for this person. I cried out to Jesus, interceding for this person to have healing from God, to feel the presence of God overshadowing all fear, shame, hurt and despair. I cried and cried. I asked God to show this person His great and everlasting love. I asked God to send angels to protect this person.
I've been frustrated at times that I can't openly share my faith, but God told me before I began the internship that it would be this way. He told me that He would go with me in everything that I do. I realized yesterday that it's the truth. God was in the room with us, whether we acknowledged His presence of not. HE WAS THERE...helping us both.
I came home and felt I had possibly dishonored God by not saying more. I heard God whisper to me, "Whom do you fear (serve), Sarah?" I could feel God encouraging me to always have Him in my thoughts and keep Him with me at all times, acknowledging in myself His presence there. I told God that I will serve Him first and only.
I know God has brought me to this place for a reason. It's challenging in every way, but I know He is with me--so I will not fear.
God bless you all in the name of Jesus! :-)
Deuteronomy 31:8Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
8 The Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.”
***By the way, in case you all wondered, this does not violate confidentiality because there is no identifying information about this client, and I see many clients every day who have similar issues.***
***By the way, in case you all wondered, this does not violate confidentiality because there is no identifying information about this client, and I see many clients every day who have similar issues.***
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