Almost two years ago, I suddenly started having trouble swallowing my food at each meal. I would chew my food and then attempt to swallow it. At first, it felt like a tickle in my throat and some slight discomfort and then the food would pass down my esophagus into my stomach. I loved to eat food. I love to cook, and I am a serious foodie. I love all kinds of food. At 158 lbs, and being 5'2", I was clinically overweight (but I was happy)! The doctor told me to lose weight, so that I could be really healthy and avoid any unwanted health problems related to being "obese". I never thought of myself as obese, but I definitely thought the idea of being healthier sounded good. I struggled with being tired all the time and some other unwanted symptoms that pestered me (joint pain, lack of self-confidence, etc).
One day, I prayed to God that he would help me have self-control in regards to food. I admitted to God that I started using food to comfort myself, to deal with emotional stress, or even to celebrate joys in life. Food was becoming the center of my world--not God. I collected recipes, Pinterest pins, and cookbooks like it was going out of style. Food was an integral, and very important, part of my life...an idol, perhaps.
God doesn't like idolatry. He wants to be first in my life. He wants to comfort me. He wants me to celebrate being in a relationship with Him. He wants me to trust Him to be everything that I need. He wants to be held in high regard in my life, above all other things.
I had lost sight of this beautiful aspect of my relationship with Jesus. I was not turning to Jesus for my every need, I was using food to replace this spiritual practice of prayer and spending time in the presence of God.
So, there I was, not fully understanding what I was praying. I was praying for God to teach me self-control in regards to food, and I also prayed that God would make me healthier. I prayed that I would learn to trust God and not food. I prayed for God to help me to seek Him and ignore my cravings. I asked God for GRACE to do something that I felt I couldn't do...to give up my love of food to increase my love for God.
It's somewhat embarrassing to even share with you all. The fact that food could become more important than my intimate relationship with God sounds...well...quite silly. How could that ever happen in my life? It turns out that I am not the only one that has put food before a relationship with God. Esau, in the Bible, traded his birthright (inheritance) for some stew made by his brother, Jacob. The Israelites complained against God in the wilderness because ALL He did was rain manna from heaven every day. WHERE was the MEAT? Give us MEAT, they said! God obliged their desires, but they had forgotten what was truly important. They forgot to thank God for all His goodness and His grace toward them. They only complained because they could not eat what they once did in the land of Egypt. They even wanted to go back to Egypt, just to eat the food they did before!
Jesus was tempted with food after fasting 40 days in the wilderness. He was tempted by Satan to turn stones into bread. I'm sure he was really hungry and probably quite tempted to do so, but he abstained and answered Satan back with the Word of God, the Holy Scriptures. He withstood temptation. I know if He did it...He will help me in His grace to do the same. I don't want to trade my birthright for a morsel of food. I don't want to be unfaithful to God and deny His rightful place in my life, simply because food is so important to me.
For the past two years, I have been increasingly unable to swallow food. I am currently on a diet that is 98% liquid, with an occasional moment where I can eat something more hearty. I THANK GOD for those times--they are very enjoyable and special to me--but I have learned that I can live without the tasty food I once enjoyed. I will love and serve God, no matter what I can (or cannot) eat. I have been through some difficult moments in the past two years. I have learned that others do not understand what is happening to me. They give me advice, but there is no comfort in my life, other than God. Tonight, my family went out to eat at a Japanese Sushi & Teppanyaki restaurant. They greatly enjoyed steak, shrimp and chicken (with fried rice, salad and soup) in front of me. I ate the soup, but choked on a couple of mushrooms in the broth. I ended up eating several bowls of broth for my dinner. I ordered a tofu dish (I don't even like tofu) thinking it would be easy to eat. I was wrong. I choked my way through half a piece of tofu and then gave up on trying to eat it.
I do believe the Lord is going to heal me. I believe that by His stripes, I AM healed and that God promised to give me abundant life, here and now. I am not waiting for heaven to be healed, but I am crying out daily for healing--but not just physical healing--spiritual healing most of all. I needed to be healed from spiritual idolatry and lack of gratitude for all that God has done for me. I don't venture to say that God DID this to me, but He certainly allowed these trials to come in my life. Through these past two years of trial, He has been teaching me about Himself and how much He truly loves me. He has been showing me how gracious He has been to me, even when I traded in our precious relationship at times for worldly food. I have learned that I have self-control that I never imagined possible...not just because I can't eat the food, but because I no longer want anything that keeps me from being closer to Him. If I never eat real (hearty) food again, I will be satisfied because Jesus is the Bread of Life to me and all the Living Water I will ever need! Food is nothing compared to a relationship with Jesus.
The suffering I have endured has taught me to trust God. It has taught me about His grace and His love. It has made me into the image of Christ, more than I ever was before, and I am thankful to God that He has allowed me to go through this trial. I count my trial as all joy, because through it, He is building up in me perseverance, character and hope. Thank you God for allowing me to suffer. When you see fit, please heal me Jesus! Until then...I will continue to trust in You.
One day, I prayed to God that he would help me have self-control in regards to food. I admitted to God that I started using food to comfort myself, to deal with emotional stress, or even to celebrate joys in life. Food was becoming the center of my world--not God. I collected recipes, Pinterest pins, and cookbooks like it was going out of style. Food was an integral, and very important, part of my life...an idol, perhaps.
God doesn't like idolatry. He wants to be first in my life. He wants to comfort me. He wants me to celebrate being in a relationship with Him. He wants me to trust Him to be everything that I need. He wants to be held in high regard in my life, above all other things.
I had lost sight of this beautiful aspect of my relationship with Jesus. I was not turning to Jesus for my every need, I was using food to replace this spiritual practice of prayer and spending time in the presence of God.
So, there I was, not fully understanding what I was praying. I was praying for God to teach me self-control in regards to food, and I also prayed that God would make me healthier. I prayed that I would learn to trust God and not food. I prayed for God to help me to seek Him and ignore my cravings. I asked God for GRACE to do something that I felt I couldn't do...to give up my love of food to increase my love for God.
It's somewhat embarrassing to even share with you all. The fact that food could become more important than my intimate relationship with God sounds...well...quite silly. How could that ever happen in my life? It turns out that I am not the only one that has put food before a relationship with God. Esau, in the Bible, traded his birthright (inheritance) for some stew made by his brother, Jacob. The Israelites complained against God in the wilderness because ALL He did was rain manna from heaven every day. WHERE was the MEAT? Give us MEAT, they said! God obliged their desires, but they had forgotten what was truly important. They forgot to thank God for all His goodness and His grace toward them. They only complained because they could not eat what they once did in the land of Egypt. They even wanted to go back to Egypt, just to eat the food they did before!
Jesus was tempted with food after fasting 40 days in the wilderness. He was tempted by Satan to turn stones into bread. I'm sure he was really hungry and probably quite tempted to do so, but he abstained and answered Satan back with the Word of God, the Holy Scriptures. He withstood temptation. I know if He did it...He will help me in His grace to do the same. I don't want to trade my birthright for a morsel of food. I don't want to be unfaithful to God and deny His rightful place in my life, simply because food is so important to me.
For the past two years, I have been increasingly unable to swallow food. I am currently on a diet that is 98% liquid, with an occasional moment where I can eat something more hearty. I THANK GOD for those times--they are very enjoyable and special to me--but I have learned that I can live without the tasty food I once enjoyed. I will love and serve God, no matter what I can (or cannot) eat. I have been through some difficult moments in the past two years. I have learned that others do not understand what is happening to me. They give me advice, but there is no comfort in my life, other than God. Tonight, my family went out to eat at a Japanese Sushi & Teppanyaki restaurant. They greatly enjoyed steak, shrimp and chicken (with fried rice, salad and soup) in front of me. I ate the soup, but choked on a couple of mushrooms in the broth. I ended up eating several bowls of broth for my dinner. I ordered a tofu dish (I don't even like tofu) thinking it would be easy to eat. I was wrong. I choked my way through half a piece of tofu and then gave up on trying to eat it.
I do believe the Lord is going to heal me. I believe that by His stripes, I AM healed and that God promised to give me abundant life, here and now. I am not waiting for heaven to be healed, but I am crying out daily for healing--but not just physical healing--spiritual healing most of all. I needed to be healed from spiritual idolatry and lack of gratitude for all that God has done for me. I don't venture to say that God DID this to me, but He certainly allowed these trials to come in my life. Through these past two years of trial, He has been teaching me about Himself and how much He truly loves me. He has been showing me how gracious He has been to me, even when I traded in our precious relationship at times for worldly food. I have learned that I have self-control that I never imagined possible...not just because I can't eat the food, but because I no longer want anything that keeps me from being closer to Him. If I never eat real (hearty) food again, I will be satisfied because Jesus is the Bread of Life to me and all the Living Water I will ever need! Food is nothing compared to a relationship with Jesus.
The suffering I have endured has taught me to trust God. It has taught me about His grace and His love. It has made me into the image of Christ, more than I ever was before, and I am thankful to God that He has allowed me to go through this trial. I count my trial as all joy, because through it, He is building up in me perseverance, character and hope. Thank you God for allowing me to suffer. When you see fit, please heal me Jesus! Until then...I will continue to trust in You.
Genesis 25:29-34English Standard Version (ESV)
Esau Sells His Birthright
29 Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was exhausted. 30 And Esau said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stew, for I am exhausted!” (Therefore his name was called Edom.[a]) 31 Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright now.” 32 Esau said, “I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?”33 Jacob said, “Swear to me now.” So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob.34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright.
Deuteronomy 8:3English Standard Version (ESV)
3 And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word[a] that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
Jesus and the Woman of Samaria
4 Now when Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John 2 (although Jesus himself did not baptize, but only his disciples), 3 he left Judea and departed again for Galilee. 4 And he had to pass through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town of Samaria called Sychar, near the field that Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob's well was there; so Jesus, wearied as he was from his journey, was sitting beside the well. It was about the sixth hour.[a]
7 A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” 8 (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) 10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” 11 The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” 13 Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.[b] The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.”
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