Righteousness: A Gift of God's Love and Grace

My mind has been filled with deep, profound thoughts about the nature of my Christian faith.  I'm not talking about the years of being a Christian "under my belt" or the fact that I've led Bible studies or been responsible for mission/outreach in a church.  I'm talking about the past week, I have really been thinking hard about my own faith in Jesus and what it means to me.

I love sharing scriptures and inspirational memes on Facebook because I feel like it gives people some hope, a light shining into their day to keep them going.  I don't do it to look down on anyone, but I certainly have been guilty of doing this in the past. Why?  What makes me think that I've been better off than anyone else.

Recently, I was around a group of women who were Christian.  Apparently, they did not realize I was Christian too, or they simply didn't care.  As time went on, I began to feel insecure in their presence.  I began to feel like I wasn't "good enough" to spend time with them.  It was mostly the tone they used when speaking to me.  I eventually shared with them that I believed in Jesus too, thinking it would somehow get me into their club...

I still didn't work.  I felt singled out, left out and ostracized.  I'm not trying to throw a pity party here, but rather to illustrate a point.  I'm glad this happened to me.  It has really inspired me to think about who I AM as a Christian woman, and as a human being. I suddenly felt conviction in my heart that I, too, have probably treated others this way.

The past year of working in the mental health hospital has taught me about how to love people unconditionally, like God loves them.  I have worked with people with many different mental illnesses, problems, symptoms, life struggles, backgrounds, beliefs, and sexual orientations.  As a professional, I am expected to treat every person with the same respect and dignity while providing counseling services, regardless of who they are, or what they have done in the past.

I have learned to really LOVE people, even the ones that society has rejected and despised.   Sound familiar?  When I think of Jesus, He was like that...always eating with sinners, hanging out with the lowest in his society. I admire Jesus for being that way.

I think the situation with these Christian women illustrated a good point.  I think they believed, at first, that I was not "one of them." There were even a couple of interactions where I felt like they were trying to evangelize me, until I shared with them that I know Jesus intimately and have seen God do amazing things, such as heal the sick and even raise the dead.  Then, they probably thought I was "one of those Christians...you know, the crazy ones who speak in tongues and believe God still does miracles."

Regardless of how I presented my faith to them, they had their opinion of me.  I was not going to be "one of them."

At first, I admit, I felt pretty upset and hurt.  I was more disillusioned than anything else.  These are SUPPOSED to be my sisters in Christ!  We are all in the same family of God.  Yes, I'm still human and, of course, I make mistakes in life. I've overcome a lot of my past mistakes, but I know that I'm loving others as God loves me, and I'm loving God.

Weren't those the two commandments that Jesus gave to us?

I have forgiven them for the way that I have been treated, but at the same time, it has caused me to examine my own thoughts about others and my actions in the past.  I must forgive, lest I risk hypocrisy, because I've done the EXACT same thing to people...thinking I was doing good.

I'm not mad.  This was all a blessing in disguise.

This past year changed me. It made me more kind, more compassionate, more forgiving, more unconditionally loving, and ultimately, I have gained some wisdom through it all.

Christianity is not an exclusive and elite club.  If we examine the Bible, it shows that Jesus was very inclusive.  He called for repentance, and we can speak that message--tempered with love and grace--but we must love people as they are, not as we would like them to be.

That's our #1 job as Christians.

We don't have to agree with what others do.  It's our choice not to believe.  However, we need to LOVE everyone, especially those who ARE Christians, because sometimes I think they need the most unconditional love and grace of all.

I learned through all of this that being a Christian does not make me BETTER than anyone else.  Romans 3:23 comes to mind, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

If not a Christian, everyone is in the same boat of needing grace, love and forgiveness.

If a Christian, you still need the same grace, love and forgiveness that you needed when you were NOT a Christian!  Faith in Jesus does not make you better than someone. That's just pride and self-righteousness being displayed, not grace and love.

When Pharisees in the Bible sought to follow the law (all 612 laws) in entirety, they became extremely self-righteous and even killed those who opposed them.  We seem to have that same problem in the church today.

I love being a Christian because I have a relationship with God that brings me peace, comfort, salvation and hope. I know that I'm not perfect, but Jesus was perfect for me.  He fulfilled the law through his death and resurrection. He paid the ultimate price for me, not the other way around.

I ask you to remember this when you meet someone, whether or not they believe the same things as you do. We are all called to LOVE first.  Christianity is all about relationship with God and others, and if we don't understand this, we really don't understand Christianity--regardless of how many scriptures you can quote.

I know who I AM before God's throne of grace. I am His beloved daughter, His "princess of grace" and He loves me.  I am His and He is mine, regardless of who recognizes this fact while I'm living on the earth. It will not change His thoughts, feelings or acceptance of me...this is already finished.  He has declared me righteous because I've believed in His Son...not because of any other reason or work that I've done.

This declaration of righteousness does not give me a license to treat others with contempt.  I am just thankful that He has given me this precious gift, and I desire to share the hope that He has given to me with others.

Righteousness Through Faith (Romans 3:21-26)

21 But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness is given through faithin[h] Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.25 God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26 he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

Trusting in God's Timing

This morning, I woke up to a little bundle of warm flesh snuggled up against my body.  I could hear his quiet breaths and feel his warm skin, as he wiggled and mumbled something.  I whispered, "what, baby?"  In this little, soft, voice...my son whispers back, "I said, I love you."

There really is nothing better in this life. To be truly, deeply, madly loved by another human being is the most amazing feeling on earth. Such amazing things come from these small human beings that we call children.

Growing up, I was the kind of girl that wanted to have children from the time I was a small child. I always wanted to be a mommy.  Starting very young, I started having chronic pain that would stay with me every day for months at a time.  In college, I was in severe pain and could not sleep through the night.  I finally visited a doctor regarding my pain.  After a quick examination, the doctor said, "I know what's wrong, I believe you have endometriosis, but we will have to do surgery to make a diagnosis."

When I returned to my house, I began to search for information about endometriosis.  At the time, there was not much quality information and (from what was known), it seemed like a scary disease.  Basically, tissue that belongs in the uterus ends up in other places in the body and then grows each month being fueled by estrogen.  Thus began a long, hard journey for me. From my reading and what the doctor told me, having children could be a difficult and heartbreaking journey...this would ultimately become a reality for me.

Until the past few years, I had not shared the details of my struggle with infertility. Many people see my three beautiful and smiling children, and probably think I am very blessed.  They would be correct.  I am blessed.  Wanting these precious children and going through the process to have them led to some of the most gut-wrenching emotional pain I have ever experienced, but the joy of the blessing outweighs the pain of the sorrow.

I had a dream to have children.  At 18 years old, I was told that this may not happen for me in life, but it could be a difficult process. I don't think "difficult" is a strong enough word for what those with infertility actually go through.  It can be soul-crushing, torturous and play games with the mind that people don't want to even imagine. Wanting something so badly, and feeling inadequate to have it, or provide your spouse with children, or to have the family you have dreamed about, can bring a person to great despair.  It was confirmed that I had endometriosis and I did not know if my dream would ever come true.  I felt very depressed thinking of never having the chance to snuggle my own baby, caring and loving for my own child. Of course, adoption would have been a great alternative to giving birth, but I really wanted a child, born of my own flesh and blood.

Most people don't even realize the truth of the struggle.  I've had several miscarriages. A couple of times, I may have actually had other miscarriages, but lost the baby before I realized I was pregnant because I refused to take a pregnancy test--fearing the worst.  Even the thought of being pregnant would shoot an odd mixture of fear and excitement into my heart.  I would desperately want to know if I was pregnant, but then experience paralyzing fear to actually know that I was pregnant...and might experience another loss.

Fortunately, I was eventually able to have three children.  Fearing more pain and loss, it was decided that permanent birth control was the answer.  My body has been through a war and we decided to declare victory and end the war!

I still think and wonder about my little babies in heaven. I believe they are there, with Jesus, until I am able to come and meet them. It will be a glorious day to experience this reunion.

For now, I focus on the fact that it was worth every minute of the struggle to feel my son's breath on my neck, to feel his little heart beating next to mine...and to hear him say, "I love you."

God knows the desires of our hearts.  He knows the dreams that are sacred to us. He knows that trying to subdue those dreams, or ignore them, is not always going to work. Many times, they are dreams planted in our hearts by Him.  We simply do not understand His timing.  We want the right thing that God wants for us, but the timing isn't right.

A few months ago, I was praying about things that the Lord had promised to me, but I had not yet seen occur in my life.  I was praying about dreams and desires that I have, and I was asking the Lord if they were things that I should continue to hold onto, or were they just selfish desires?  I was driving to work and the Lord spoke gently to my heart, saying "Sometimes, we want the right things, but at the wrong time."

I started thinking about how important God's timing could be in my life.  I went on a mental journey of events in my life that all were perfectly timed--right down to having my first child at the age of 19, outside of marriage, seemingly at the "wrong time." However, having my daughter led me to switch majors in college, finish ahead of my scheduled graduation, go to work at a certain place and meet my husband. I thought I would live in Tucson much longer, but God's timing was different and we moved to Guam "ahead of schedule." When we got to Guam, we had a little baby boy who was born "a little early." We tried to have another baby, but ended up having a few miscarriages before being surprised by our third child, thinking we would not have another child. He was "a little late."

This is the boy that awoke next to me this morning and told me, "I love you."  God knows, his birth was actually right on time.

We don't always understand God's timing.  We don't understand His plan. We don't understand why some things happen and others don't. What I have come to know is that God is always on time with the completion of HIS plan for our lives. It may be not our plan, or our timing, but God certainly knows WHAT HE'S DOING and WHEN HE'S DOING IT.

I think back about the times when I could have turned left, but my life turned in the opposite direction. If I had chosen a different college or stayed in my hometown, or I had chosen a different major in college, a different job after college, different friends, not had my child during college, not moved to Guam, not become a military spouse...and a thousand other decisions that could have pointed my life in a different direction.

Instead, I focus on where I am...this morning, I woke up in bed next to the most handsome little man I've ever known (besides my other handsome son)...and he told me that he loved me. The waiting and wondering, the pining and longing...and even questioning...it was all truly WORTH IT!

Don't give up.  God has a good plan, no matter what you're going through.  He knows where HE is taking you today.  Just rest, trust and enjoy this life that He has given to YOU.

Don't take today for granted.  Tomorrow will come, Lord willing, but even tomorrow is not promised to us. Enjoy the time you have been given today.  Life is precious...and life is unpredictable. We don't know what tomorrow will bring, or even the rest of today.  Some people won't have a tomorrow on this earth.

Trust His timing...it's part of a plan that works out for your good.

The Journey of Life

As I spoke with a friend today, I shared a thought that has been replaying over and over in my mind lately.  The thought is that, perhaps, it does not matter what we do for a living, or what we accomplish...perhaps, this is all really in vain.  Perhaps...it matters more WHO WE ARE than WHAT WE DO. I began thinking about my long and winding journey with the Lord.  I thought about the many twists and turns, the constant uncertainty of life.  Is there anything that is really certain in life...anything that is not unpredictable and ever-changing? 

I recently finished a master's degree program in professional counseling after five long years of graduate school.  It took me so long because life is unpredictable.  The program was only supposed to take about three years, but it took me two extra years to finish!  Perhaps, this is because my husband and son were both very ill during this time period, and we moved across country in the middle of my program.  It may be due to the fact that I have been raising three children, putting their own needs before my own.

I think I finished right on time.  I think that finishing earlier would not have allowed me to gain maturity that is needed in this grueling profession, and I would still be searching for myself in ways that I did a couple years ago.  If nothing else, counseling school taught me to examine myself, my goals, my desires, my pain and suffering in a very different way than ever before.  I was forced to stop looking the other way when thinking of the negative aspects of my life, and to face myself each and every day, learning to love myself for who I really am...not who I would pretend to be.

These past five years taught me that life is hard.  Life hurts.  Life can leave lasting scars that can be difficult to heal.  Life is unpredictable and it can be scary.  Life doesn't always go the way we planned.  Is there any point in really planning anyway?  I don't know anymore.

I didn't plan to have my first child at 19 years old.  I didn't plan to marry my husband and immediately move together to a remote Pacific island.  I didn't plan for my second child to become very ill and be given devastating news about his health when he was 15 months old.  I didn't plan for God to reverse that prognosis and heal him just two years later, leaving him fully healthy and "normal."  I didn't plan to have my third child and look death in the eye during childbirth.  I didn't plan to move before his third birthday...across the country again.  I really didn't plan to attend grad school for counseling. I didn't plan to be a counselor.  I didn't plan to make, and lose, friends along the way.  I didn't even plan to be sitting here, writing this blog post today.

I haven't planned life.  Life has taken me on a long and winding journey.  Sometimes, I look back, although I really shouldn't. I look and see the twists in the road, and the times where I almost didn't make it. I see where LIFE has taken me, but one thing I know for sure...God has never left me.  He has been with me through every twist, every turn, every heartbreak and every celebration.  He has been my constant companion on this journey.  In fact, He knows the road I'm going down.  He's already been there and He knows the whole plan for my life...because He wrote it.

Sometimes, I get confused about where I'm going.  Sometimes, I get angry about the turns I felt I should have made.  Sometimes, I simply feel a little lost along the way.  Sometimes, I feel like the twisting tornados of Oklahoma, or the gusting winds of the typhoons in Guam, the earthquakes, or the dryness and drought of New Mexico deserts.  I've even been in the mountains of Colorado. I've been many places along the way.  I've seen disasters and beautiful vistas.  This is the glory of the life that God gives to us.  We don't always know where the path will lead, but we can always know that He is with us, and He knows the way. He makes the crooked path straight before us, and He makes a way where there seems to be no way...rivers in the desert and a path in the wilderness.

When you feel lost, remember that Jesus is near to the brokenhearted and those who are crushed in spirit.  If you are feeling low in the trenches of life, know that Jesus is there with you.  If you are climbing a mountaintop, He is there too.  He wrote the story of your life.  He wrote the story of mine too. Just like He never left me...He will never leave you.